Going through a Bereavement
One of the most painful experiences that we can go through in our life is when someone we love dies. During those times it can actually feel as though our own life no longer has any real meaning to it. It is not unusual for the bereaved person to be so traumatized by the death of their loved one that they struggle to even believe that it is real, and the only way that they can get through each day is to enter into a robotic-like trance. Whereas others seem to carry on as if nothing has happened, observers could even imagine that the bereaved person did not care. In both cases the protective part of our brain has stepped in and is only allowing us to face whatever level we are able to bear at the time. We all deal with bereavement in different ways and there is no universal directive that we all follow.There are however about four stages
that we go through but not necessarily in a strict linear fashion, we may flit in and out of each like a butterfly, returning to the previous stage before moving to the next.The four main stages that we go through that I refer to are the nearest thing that we have to a structure, and they include the following; disbelief, anger, coming to terms with what it all means, and finally planning a way ahead. It is not unusual to go through these four stages in the order stated but it is equally normal to flit in and out of each stage in any order, repeating some stages before being ready to finding a way forward.
The counselling process will often explore with clients feelings of a misplaced guilt, when thoughts of the loved ones death could have been prevented if only they had done something different. On the extremely rare occasion when the client's actions were actually related to the untimely death in any way the question of intent would then become the focus.
Bereavement Counselling
The aim of the counseling process will frequently be the focus on showing the bereaved persons that their actions, thoughts and behavior since the death of their loved one are in fact a perfectly normal human response in those traumatic circumstances. Even though their response to the death will be unique in some way it will also follow a natural path. A couple of sessions will often be sufficient for some bereaved people to realize that they are not going crazy and allow them to experience the grieving process in their own time.There are of course circumstances when the bereavement will in fact trigger off some unresolved issue from the past and a greater level of exploration may be needed before reaching a resolution.
It is an added danger that bereavement can lead on to depression if we do not have the right kind of support from of our family or close friends. An experienced counselor can help in those circumstances.
It is a horrible cold hard fact that bereavement is not something that you "get over" but it is definitely something that you can come to terms with in time. You will know when you have come to terms with it when you are able to recall positive memories from the past and when they no longer emotionally disable you. It is then possible to enjoy those special memories and appreciate them as an enriched part of your life.BOOK A SESSION
Bereavement affects you physically
Our understanding nowadays of how the mind and the body are linked helps us appreciate that anyone going through a bereavement is inevitably going to suffer physically as well. The sheer stress and psychological torment is seriously painful and that can lead to affecting any part of the body. The shock to the system can also affect our immune system which can easily exacerbate any present condition the victim may be suffering from at the time.The range of physical a conditions will likely include some or even many of the following, sleep problems leading to exhaustion and lethargy, high blood pressure is certainly not unusual, loss of appetite, headaches, stomach and bowel issues, back aches, in fact any kind of ailment is a possibility. In some cases it may even cause some kind of hallucinations either visual or auditory
How can you help a bereaved person?
One problem that often adds to the bereaved persons burden is that most people really do not know what to say to them and how to act around them. Due to this confusion some people often deliberately avoid contacting them at all, and whilst not maliciously meaning to, they end up isolating the victim when support is desperately sought. The opposite can happen as well, when some other folk may suffocate the victim with offers of help and unintentionally being overly intrusive. Finding the balance can be difficult of course but always be guided by the victim's response if you understand them well enough.The best principle is to offer your heart felt sympathy and leave the door open with any genuine offers of future support. I believe it is important that the offers of help and support are real, and it is known that you actually mean it and that they are not just empty words. Most times just a pair of caring ears are all that is needed, don't think you need to offer any kind of solution because there isn't one. That point is mainly aimed at us guys who always feel that we need to "fix" a problem, whereas woman generally just display empathy because they instinctively realize that is what is most important.
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What can you do if you cannot afford Bereavement counselling
Most of us need some kind of support to survive a loss such as bereavment and usually friends and family will rally around as best they can, but do not always understand themselves what to do for the victim. Those around us at the time quite often may be going through their own grief process so do not have the energy to spare. After the initial rallying around, support generally decreases as others get on with their own life and the victim suddenly finds themselves alone and go through another extra painful period and could with continued support. There is no hard and fast rule as to the time scale of this but it is typically around two or three months when those less affected personally by the loss just become desensitised to it and gradually get drawn back in their own lives.So what can you do if you are unable to pay for professional counselling ?. There is a volunteer group called Cruse Bereavement Careand they offer some very friendly help and will only ask for a donation at the end if you can afford something. I emphasise there is no obligation to do that and you will not be turned away for lack of funds. The link to their site is Cruse Bereavement Care. I offered my services for several years whilst I was training and was impressed with their sincerity and dedication to help those suffering.